Just as with anywhere you venture in this great wide world (our our fair city of San Diego), at any concert or live music event there are bound to be people who tick you off, annoy the shit out of you, or inspire full-blown rage (if you’re me). Here’s a smattering of folks I’ve observed at recent musical events and wish to not encounter again (but, I won’t be holding my breath). Trust me, at shows I’m all about having a good time, letting loose, and mostly I get along well with people who are enjoying the same music I am… Shit, I’ve got more in common with the strangers dancing next to me than most people I know personally. But then I run into these five sound-sullying show-goers:
1. The Jolly Green Giant: I’m already jealous of tall people as it is. When it comes to the smallish venues I frequent there’s mostly standing room and there’s normally tons of courteous people who make sure they aren’t completely obscuring your view. But then The JGG shows up. He lumbers into the crowd with his splattering vodka red bull leaving a sticky trail behind him and then he plants himself right in front of myself of some other vertically challenged music fan. *sigh* His epic powers of tallness also come with a sort of evil magnetism so that every time I take a step the right he does the same. I am now embroiled in a dance I had no intention of doing while trying to catch a glimpse of an intense drum solo.
2. Unwanted Dance Partners: It’s one thing to get “danced up on” (is that a thing?) at a club or a disco (is that still a thing?)… but at a rock concert? No, sir in the newsboy cap with the grey curly locks poking out, I do not want you thrusting around behind me, bumping into me, grabbing my shoulders, and precariously raising your drink above my head. Even if it is the best offer I got all night.
3. Chatty Cathy: I was under the impression that most people came to shows to listen. In between songs I’ll make a brief comment to my Partner in Crime or just as a song starts I might quickly say “this one’s the tits” or something along those lines. But I wouldn’t try to have a full-blown conversation like some a-holes. True story: during a set by Dead Feather Moon at the Casbah– not one, but two Jolly Green Giants sidled up next to me and for a moment I felt relieved that they weren’t in my line of sight … but then I discovered their CC status. The convo went like this:
JGG1: “merrr berrr ffeeerr mmeeerr.”
JGG1: “meerrrr beerrrrr FERRRRR MMMMEERRRR.”
JGG1: *eyes widening* “MMMMMMMMMEEERRR BEEEEEERRRRR FFEEEEEERRR MMMMEERRRR!!!!!”
JGG2: *putting face within millimeters of JGG2* “WHAT!??!?!?!?!”
And this exchange was repeated for at least the length of two songs. No joke.
4. Honeymooners: Love – ain’t it grand? Well sure, just as long as it’s not right. in. my. face. If you want to make out with, grope, fondle, or impregnate your significant other, by all means HAVE AT IT…. I just ask that you find a dark corner, crawl under a table, or hide in a bathroom stall to do it. What is the point of being 2 feet from the stage if all you can see is the inside of your eyelids as you give your date an in-depth tonsil exam with your tongue?
5. The Disinterested and Disheartening: This is by far the worst show-goer I have come in contact with. I’ve seen sets I was less than thrilled with, bands I didn’t find so impressive, or been taken along to shows I wasn’t excited to see in the first place. But I find nothing more disrespectful than people acting above it or annoyed by it or carrying some general condescension that is written all over their face. Either suck it up and down a cocktail or leave… those are your options. I saw a chick roll her eyes at her friend while the other shrugged and then they proceeded to make pissy little faces at their boyfriends and commented about being “dragged to this shit.” They were doing all this during my favorite song performed by The Silent Comedy that night. I wanted to falcon punch one girl, drop kick the other and then dance upon their crumpled bodies. Is that too harsh?